Two Things...

So, first off.  I recently noticed the words to a  song from the much played Mulan.  Behold: "I'll Make a Man Out of You".

And the lyrics:

"Mulan" is copyright (c) 1998
Walt Disney Music Company. All rights reserved.
Music by Matthew Wilder, lyrics by David Zippel

Let's get down to business - to defeat the Huns

Did they send me daughters when I asked for sons?   (Acknowledging that there ARE 

You're the saddest bunch I ever met                         differences between boys & girls,

But you can bet before we're through                    sometimes being a boy is preferred.)

Mister, I'll make a man out of you

Tranquil as a forest                               (Calm, Cool, Collected, & Successful.  Not bad.)

But on fire within

Once you find your center

You are sure to win

You're a spineless, pale, pathetic lot         (Definitely no cowards or individuals who

And you haven't got a clue                                   lack physical prowess.)

Somehow I'll make a man out of you

I'm never gonna catch my breath

Say good-bye to those who knew me

Boy, I was a fool in school for cutting gym

The guy's got 'em scared to death

Hope he doesn't see right through me

Now I really wish that I knew how to swim

(Chorus)

(Be a man)                                             (Do I have to say anything here? This is awesome!)

We must be swift as the coursing river.

(Be a man)

With all the force of a great typhoon

(Be a man)

With all the strength of a raging fire

Mysterious as the darkside of the moon.

Time is racing toward us till the Huns arrive

Heed my every order and you might survive

You're unsuited for the rage of war

So pack up, go home you're through

How could I make a man out of you?

Chorus 2X'

So, on the 50,000th or so time that I've heard this song, I have an epiphany:  this song is praising "traditionally male" traits like physical strength, passion(fire), mystery, silence, success, courage, and even rage.  Yes, rage is normal and natural and is far more pronounced in the male of the species.  Why the fuck am I waning poetic about a Disney song, you might ask?  Off the top of your head, can you think of any other kid songs praising manhood?  I couldn't either.  I know lots of songs about being a smart girl, a strong girl, and most importantly an independent girl who follows her heart.  It really got me thinking about the emphasis we've put on feminism and teaching girls to dream a little.  And then on to how it is just assumed that without tons of help from everywhere, boys will grow up just fine in a country with 26% of children being raised in single parent house holds and 84% of those headed by mothers, and a culture that can't figure out if males and females originated on the same planet or if they exactly are the same.  So that's about 22% of the children in America are being raised by strong, intelligent, caring mothers.  Now if we assume that there are roughly the same number of little boys and little girls, that means 22% of boys today will grow up without fathers to teach them what it means to be men.  Some of them will be lucky and someone will step in and do that job, but just as many boys in "traditional" families will have father issues that don't show up in the census.  In fact, the boys with the best manners come from mom only homes, I think.  There are well rounded boys from lots of homes but there is an increasing number of boys who can't figure out how to ask a girl out, much less whether or not they should pay the tab.  There is a marked lack of masculinity in my generation of American men.  There are also high levels of anxiety and a lack of confidence in who they are supposed to be.  They rely on countless sources to piece together exactly what they are aiming at, including Disney movies, teachers, neighbors, relatives, books, music, etc.  And normally I am so against most kinds of censoring, even in the case of children (note I said most, not all).  I don't mean for this to be yet another rant about how delicate our children are and how it's the world's job to censor out anything that might offend our ethnocentric sensibilities.  But, REALLY!? If we are gonna take every cartoon and turn it into a personal improvement seminar, then can we really say that boys today need any less guidance than girls?

Okay, on to the second thing...what was the second thing?  Oh yeah, I really need some motivation to clean my house.  I got about half-way through a second attempt at a spring cleaning and my back gave out on me!  And then I stopped for a while and can't seem to get started again.  Preacher'sDaughter is coming over on the weekend after July 4th to do some all natural soap making.  Got a fabulous recipe for liquid castile soap that from start to finish takes less than 24 hours and can be altered to make body wash, shampoo, handsoap, dish soap, dishwasher detergent (I'm not sure this will work...), and laundry detergent.  I will share the whole bit after I've tried it!  New homemade soap would inspire me to clean, but I think that's too long to sit on my ass (just by a day or two).

Stride

Well, so much has happened since I last posted (lazy little hooligan that I am).   I don't even know where to begin except to say I've been making strides.  That was my "One Little Word 2011" and boy oh boy!  School is over, thank any god/dess of freedom and liberty that you like, but WE ARE FREE, and we're never going back either!  I'm really making strides trusting my own instincts and not waiting around for anyone's approval.  Got my divorce.  It was pretty anti-climactic but it set off a whirl-wind of un-dealt-with emotions.  I am a survivor of IPSA, or Intimate Partner Sexual Assault, and my husband had me so brainwashed during my marriage that I didn't really realize what had happened to me until I had to face him again.  It was like experiencing every single episode of abuse all over again, but from the perspective of a new woman who knows that it was a terrible crime.  I came to terms with what happened to me and feel that I've made some major strides towards healing from that horrifying time.  If you have questions about IPSA or think you might be a victim, please check out Aphrodite Wounded.  It is an amazing site, with real stories from real women who have experienced this sort of abuse.  
 
I have also landed a job as a Birth Assistant with my midwife!  Which is big news, because my kids aren't old enough for me to go to midwifery school yet.  This is not only a great job, but a huge stride towards one of my big life goals!  I've also made some friends and gotten involved in the local hippie/pagan community.  I finally feel like life is really going my way for the first time ever!  Better late than never, I guess.  Must be why I feel such a strong connection to Ishtar Inanna, I feel like I've walked through Hell and come out the other side with my head held high.  Happy Solstice everyone!

It's My Party

It's my birthday, as of 36 minutes ago and my insomniac ass can't sleep to save my life as usual.  It has been a crazy fucking week and an even crazier year.  Reflection.  Yes, the miserable way I spend every birthday, reflecting on what was NOT accomplished in the preceding year.  Luckily, this year I am way too stressed for negativity and self flagellation.  What crazy shit is specifically going on right now?  Well for one, I finally figured out how to black mail my husband into signing the divorce papers (happy evil genius grin).  I can't really take credit for that, he's just stupid enough to leave really self incriminating and threatening messages on my machine.  I haven't seen or talked to him in almost a year, when I left, and it scares the living shit out of me to have to come face to face with that abusive bastard...and it turns out that I get to do just that on my birthday.  If ever I wanted to be stoned on ANY day of my whole life, this would be it.  Unfortunately, I'm not speaking to the only shady person I know who could make that happen (my convict brother).  So Jose or Jack or Johnny?  One of the boys will surely be happy to comfort me.  Also, LoverMan and I are having a bumpy spot, between his pain flaring up and my panic attacks from this situation, I guess it's the inevitable thing to happen.  Enough bitching now.

I also use my birthday as a personal "New Years" and usually come up with some sweet resolution but I think signing divorce papers says "Happy New Year" like nothing else really can.  I just found out that Feralia is on February 21st and it is a fittingly morbid holiday where you might get haunted by your ancestors if you don't honor them.  The only ancestor I have unfinished business with is my mother and that crazy bitch would haunt me no matter how much salt I put on her grave.  But, still, we are deeply amused that there is some basis for my deep-seated, life-long morbidity (what? you thought Rosie came by it by accident :P)  Of the random events that have occurred on my b-day over the centuries, one of the more tragic occurred in 1971 in Vienna.  So sad, the end of an era, really.   I also share my birthday with Charlotte Church, yep same year too.  This would be a great year to do a past life regression...something I'm not sold on, but would be intensely amusing/interesting/etc. all the same.

And in other news: Fiona has announced her first crush...and she's a girl.  As impressed as I am at my ability to raise children that don't consider gender, race, or religion in their choice of friends and crushes, I just KNOW this is gonna come bite me in the ass.  I mean, I live in the bible belt, what are the chances that LittleMiss's mom feels like lesbian tendencies in your 7 yo is a non-issue?  LittleMiss is so very attractive due to her tiny head, "It makes her look so pretty," says Fi.  LMAO...

Overheard

We're going to call this section "Overheard" because I am not, in fact, a part of the vast majority of the conversations that will be described here.  In this first Overheard post however, I am, to my great amusement, involved.

(sitting at the dinner table)

Fi:  I wish to be a chef when I grow up. (yes, she does talk that way, the little nerd)

Rose: I want to be a mommy when I grow up.

Me:  Well, those are great choices! But remember you can choose to be a mommy AND have a career etc. (feminist propaganda about being superwoman follows here)

Rose:  Well, I want to be a mommy.  A mommy in a box.

Me & Fi: (perplexed looks on our faces)

Her Morbid Sweetness

Rose: Why can't I be a mommy in a box?

Me:  Well honey, you can be whatever you want to be, but...What kind of mommy is in a box?

Rose:  A dead mommy! (smiles with delight)

Okay, at this point I have sorted out that she wants to be a mummy.  But, what kind of kid wants to be dead in a box as her chosen profession?  Of course, Rosie's cheerful morbidity astounds us all...quite regularly.

Potions and Such

First off, I am apparently a dirty hippie.  You may be wondering how I reached an age before discovering this truth...Well, for one thing, my dad was an extremist dirty hippie in denial and compared to him ANYTHING was cleaner.  Secondly, I'm probably not the top expert on social norms and although I've lived with a number of families (DCF kid) I've never been very observant of hygiene rituals.  See, this whole post was to be about this fabulous blog called A Sonoma Garden I found that provides the SIMPLEST instructions ever for your necessary daily potions and such, like lotion.  Well as I was reading through the blog, I found that not shampooing your hair is actually a social movement.  Hmm....read through the comments section where people dutifully divulged their shower and shampoo frequencies.  And OH MY, I'm definitely a dirty hippie.  I like a good shower as much anyone.  Well, I probably like a shower better than most people as I spent the majority of my childhood without access to running water.  I know it doesn't seem possible in this day and age in America, but believe me it's true(told you he was a dirty hippie!).   But apparently "the masses" do something that I don't.  They use soap and wash their hair with shampoo on a daily basis.  I'm shocked.  First off, I shower when I'm dirty, cold, sick, or sad (showers are comforting).  This may occur once a week or as frequently as multiple times a day.  I rarely use soap on anything but my hands and feet (flip flop addict), and even then it's usually this bulk olive oil soap that I get from my local Middle East food store that seemingly has the power to clear up any dry/itchy skin issue you might have.

This is the scented version.  The unscented is more beige in color.  Look for the soap maker's mark!

Hair is also shampooed as needed, which is usually like twice a month (basically after I have used some hair gel/spray/etc), which isn't to say I don't do other things to my hair.  My mother used to spend hours brushing, rinsing, oiling it and anything else you can think of.  From time to time I use various things like olive oil, rosemary vinegar (home made), henna (but not long enough to dye it), etc.  I might try the baking soda water idea that she has listed on her blog, seems I might be able to get rid of the shampoo altogether.  If my skin is feeling particularly dry/rough, I run a hot bath and throw a few family size green tea bags in and soak.  You would not BELIEVE what that will do for your skin.  Also feel free to drop in some good smelling oil (Rose is my fav).  Now after hearing all this you may think that I LOOK like a dirty hippie.  Turns out, I'm actually your average vain girlie girl who wears make up and fusses over her hair color like nobody's business.

Rosemary Vinegar Hair Rinse
(For Shiny Hair)

Take a handful of fresh rosemary and put it in a wide mouth jar (old jam jars work just fine).  Pound the hell out of it with a wooden spoon, fill to the top with vinegar (I like white vinegar).  Sit it in the fridge for a few days, shaking whenever you think of it.  Then strain it and pour it over your hair.  I like to start with dry hair and let it sit while I'm in the tub scrubbing and whatnot (yes, I do scrub, though without soap).  Then rinse it out.  Use cold water to rinse it with if you want it extra shiny.

Imbolc Day Book

FOR TODAY

Outside my window...it's gray, overcast, damp, not cold, not really warm enough for comfort either, the wind is fabulous, and it's a dark moon tonight.

I am thinking...wouldn't it be nice if Rose would answer questions for someone other than her sister?  Hm...maybe I could take Fi to Rose's next p/t conference, then she would SEE that Rosie really does know all her sight words.

I am thankful for...knock knock jokes that make no sense but are always delivered with giggles.

From the learning rooms...maybe life is telling me to shut up right now.

From the kitchen...2 lbs of fingerling potatoes (halved), 2 lbs of baby carrots, 1 lb of parsnips peeled and cubed, 2 lbs of lean beef roast (whole), 1 whole yellow onion, 4 chives chopped, 6 cloves of garlic, 3 bay leaves, quarter of a handful of dried thyme, bout 30 seconds of shaking worth of rosemary, sea salt, black pepper, & 2 beef bullion cubes in my giant bulk cooking pot simmering on low, covered.  All to feed the hungry unexpected army of distant relatives who have suddenly (as in, for the very first time in my life) decided to descend upon us girls.

I am wearing...too big jeans with a stain (what kind? I do not know) on the right thigh, black spaghetti strap, LoverMan's "fancy" brown jacket.  How do I know it's fancy? Because he keeps complimenting his own jacket!

I am creating...artificial motivation to get up and clean this house before the relatives get here tomorrow morning.

I am going...to Crystal Connection to pick up some essential oils to make happy spells in my house.

I am reading...still just blogs, and wynken, blynken, & nod.

I am hoping...that my dysfunctional relatives keep it within the realm of only slightly trashy behavior tomorrow.  Oh, god pass the pot...why did I give that up again? Oh, RIGHT, those little people...

I am hearing...my Rose mumbling incessantly while Fi is making a suspicious amount of racket in the bathroom.

Around the house...Well, see, yesterday I started spring cleaning (because there wasn't even a hint I'd be having any company) and because I'm super neurotic, possibly bordering on OCD, that means that everything has to be drug out, cleaned, sorted, and put back juuuuuuust right.  I'm in between steps 1 and 2. Nuff said.

One of my favorite things...swimming naked in the river when I was 16 and couldn't have cared less about getting caught!

A few plans for the rest of the week:  See previous post...oh yeah, and those relatives didn't say when they'd be leaving.

If you'd like to participate in The Simple Woman's Day Book...well, hell, you know how to work a link ;P

Imbolc

In our home, Imbolc is on the night of February 1st.  I had some grand plans over the course of the year for how we would celebrate now that I'm free to practice openly; but here it is and nothing is ready.  The healing afghan for LoverMan is still not finished, the house is a complete wreck (I should mention that by 'wreck', I mean something you might see on "Hoarders"), there is no corn dollie, I haven't bought the stuff for making butter with the girls, I haven't set up an alter (for that matter, I haven't taken down the Yule alter), etc...

So this year, Imbolc will be a step by step process leading up to the Equinox.  Starting today, with a thorough Spring Cleaning, that is likely to last through the entire season.  Is there an app for that?  And that lucky little girl who snuck out of bed last night to play video games ALL NIGHT LONG till mommy woke up to make breakfast and the like, and did not go to school...will get to help me do the cleaning.  (lucky me it was Fiona, god knows Rose has a lazy bone that must have come from a mastodon)

Tonight, we will lay out the pieces of unfinished afghan as well as the remaining 8 skeins of yarn for the Goddess to bless.  We will leave some hay (or a reasonable substitute...do cows like sprouts?) and some store bought bread and butter for the Goddess and her cow.  We will also be doing a variation on MrsB's Simple Candle Ritual.  Good god, I'm tired just thinking of the day to come.   On Saturday, we have the local pagan get together for Imbolc.  Anyone got any ideas for a milk based dish to bring?  Preferably not sweet, and something no one else will think of!

As for the rest of the season, I have a plan of sorts...
I'm going to work on the never ending afghan of love/healing every time I watch t.v. or a movie.
I am going to wash those flower pots and buy any additional seeds/supplies I need by the 12th.
I will also be blessing those seeds with the girls, an idea we really like from Elsie and Pooka.
I am investigating planting by moon phases/astrological signs, which is something my dad did but failed to pass the necessary info down to me. 
I will then be planting seeds for a potted herb/vegetable garden.
We will also make butter! And learn to make french bread!
Oh, and I am shampooing the carpets, washing the walls, and re-organizing the kitchen.

I'll let you know how it goes...